Go, boy, Seek happy nights to happy days.

The last few weeks have found me particularly alone and somewhat moribund. Whereas in the beginning of the summer I found myself surrounded in a brief, sensational, warm and glorious moment of friendship and compassion, dancing and ectasy, love and passion, now my friends have left town in the final weeks before school starts and the weather has turned cool and damp. The absence of my friends has left me alone to work at the bookstore or the newspaper during the day and spend my nights singularly in my apartment, and while I am often content to busy myself with my writing or work, this moment in my life has made me wonder; if you’re not seeing someone or dating someone do your friends fill that void, and when they cannot be there are you left eternally feeling incomplete?

I spoke to Christina for the first time in months the other day, she called me in a hushed tone early in the morning because she was at her parents house. She and her boyfriend are breaking up and it is truly breaking her heart. She loves him, unlike anyone I have ever known and he made her truly happy – something which I believe she deserves more then other people. She called because she needed to talk, and because I am pretty much one of her oldest and closest friends, and because I think she felt very very alone at her parents house.

Her emotion reflected something of my own present isolation, and I realized that what had been sticking in my mind was the lack of human contact. It feels months since I have even touched someone even though it has only been hours, and it feels ages since I was last enthatuated in some blushing romance. I miss the smile of someone right now especially, and with no friends to distract me from disecting my past I have been canibalizing my memories of her. It hasn’t been a particularly pleasant process – mostly it has meant me realizing my faults and mistakes and building resolutions – but I have come across something that makes me feel slightly better. I am really happy with who I am right now. I’ve done what I wanted to do, lived how I wanted to, and fucked up plenty in the process, but standing here right now it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was packing up my life back in California ready to leave for college. Three years later I find myself in an apartment be myself, but even alone, I will always have my friends.